Nesting (And Other Shenanigans)
by LilShitWayne
Summary: Theo Raeken is not a good person and he doesn't care about his pack. But when you are surrounded by all those lost teens... Changes are bound to happen. (OR: Theo is an asshole but he ends up liking these people more than he should).
1. Chapter 1

**Nesting**

 **(and other shenanigans)**

* * *

The first time it happened, Theo had just brought the chimeras back from the dead. He was still buzzing with the adrenaline of killing Scott and his new pack was full of mechanic energy that smelt all kinds of wrong, but Raeken couldn't care less.

He spent 30 hours awake, settling his new betas – Tracy and Hayden got the guest room, he piled up the boys on living room – and worrying if McCall's pack would come after him. Theo loved to think of them as 'his', he just couldn't fight the warm feeling of control and belonging. In the end, it was just fitting that the first successful chimera got a pack of chimeras.

"Just go to sleep, all of you" He ordered, when finally decided McCall's pack was too enrolled in their own shit and wouldn't come after them. He was asleep before he could hit the pillow.  
Theo woke up with incessant knocking and with a grumpy groan he opened the bedroom's door. His "parents" faces were white as milk and before they could say anything, Raeken heard a scream that chilled him to the bone.

'the room, pressing her lips closed to stop a scream. Tracy, on the other hand, was lying on the bed, yelling like a goddamn banshee.

"What the hell is going on?!" Theo screamed, walking carefully toward the girl on the bed.

"She's having a nightmare" Hayden whispered back "No, Theo, don't-"

"And why didn't you wake her up?" He interrupted, without turning to look at her, and grabbing Tracy by the shoulder. He shook her awake, only to feel something sharp around his wrist and realize she had grabbed him. And her nails were claws. Shit. Theo tried to move, but Tracy pulled him to her and he felt something stinging the back of his neck. His entire body froze; muscles hurting and rigid and Theo dropped to the ground.

"Thanks a lot for the warning, _Hayden"_

"I tried" Hayden hissed, and he realized she wasn't really curled up, but rather fallen against the wall. Tracy didn't stop screaming and her eyes went orange. They were all screwed.

Theo heard the steps on the hallway and struggled to look who it was. He saw Josh's feet.  
"She's having a nightmare!" Hayden told them, just like she had done before.

"Don't come closer, she'll paralyze you too" Theo warned them.  
Josh's feet twitched "And how the hell are we supposed to wake her up?!"

"Figure it out, Josh! Use your brain!" Hayden barked and Theo didn't fight a grin. He knew she would be a fierce one from the beginning.

He heard a noise and realized Tracy had jumped on them. Josh pushed her against a wall, Theo could see her feet hanging above the floor, squirming to kick and hurt him.  
"Oh, it hurts!" the boy yelled and Theo sighed deeply before Josh stumbled and fell over him on the ground.

"I said not to come closer" Theo groaned, without air.

"What did you want me to do? Let her tear your parents in pieces?"

"It's a way of thinking"

"Theo, shut up" Hayden growled from her corner and he obeyed gladly, focusing on getting back the control of his body. The sensation of not being able to defend himself was starting to give him crippling anxiety.

They heard a noise on the hallway, a male scream and then Corey's voice "Tracy, look at me… Look at me, you're dreaming. Wake up, wake up please"  
Theo frowned; the innocent kid thought he could talk a Kanima out of the frenzy. Corey would get himself killed.

"Corey, get away from her!" Theo yelled.

"Yes, you're ok, you're ok" thirty seconds later, Corey entered the room, color still coming back to him… literally, Theo could see _through_ him!

He had one arm wrapped around Tracy's shoulders and she seemed to be sleepwalking to the bed.

"How did you do that?" Theo asked, while Hayden got her movements back and helped him slip from under Josh's heavy torso.

"It's my chimera part, I guess" Corey said, before turning invisible to show them. Theo smiled. This kid gave the words "surprise attack" a whole new meaning.

* * *

The second time it happened they were in the middle of a war with the Dread Doctors and Desert Wolf. The pressure was crushing them all, Theo included, and Tracy being the most emotionally fragile of them was falling apart.

Malia was using him to learn how to shift. She needed it for yesterday, the fastest he could help her wasn't enough and Theo didn't know why, but he just couldn't bear to think she might die because he wasn't a good enough teacher. So they trained and trained and the perks of training naked in the woods was that he could smell the attraction all over her and that was exactly how their fuckership started. Simple and raw and Theo wouldn't change a thing.

"Theo?" a small knocking on his door and he opened his eyes, looking around the dim bedroom. The sheets were revolved, his clothes were pooling at the end of the bed and Malia was not there. She never was, always left before he could ask her to stay… Not that he ever would.

"Just a second" He dressed his underwear, spying the clock. Four AM. "What happened?" Theo fought the hysteria in his chest. He was aware of how cruel the Dread Doctors were and day after day the threat of them was catching up on him. As if they were getting uglier in his head. Theo didn't know why he felt so scared of the fight, why he was terrified of the Desert Wolf… He just was.

Hayden turned bright red when she saw him in only his boxers, but she turned her gaze to his face quickly and sighed "Tracy is sleepwalking around. I don't want her to go all kanima on me again"

He didn't want to face Tracy either, but he was the alpha "Go back to your room, I'll get her"

Hayden turned redder and Theo felt his own cheeks flushing. He didn't know why he was embarrassed, but Hayden clearly did, because she turned in her heels and almost ran back to the guest room now claimed by the girls.

Tracy was stumbling around the living room. He was suddenly very grateful for kicking his 'parents' out and giving their bedroom for the boys, because Corey would bitch forever if Tracy had stepped on him in the middle of the night.  
On the other hand, Josh might kill her just for breaking the furniture. Furniture Josh, Hayden and Corey had spent an entire evening picking with _Theo's_ credit card, because their alpha was an asshole, so he must pay for their fun.

He would have got angrier, wasn't for the fact that his betas got much more bearable once they started feeling the Raeken's house was _theirs_. If the cost of his peace was some accessories, Theo was more than happy to comply.

Theo circled Tracy slowly, trying to see if her claws or tail were out and if she'd attack him out of nowhere. "Tracy" he whispered, when noticed she was still in her non-supernatural form.

They had learned on the hard way not to wake her up during her sleepwalks sessions. She had torn his 'father's' face open, it hadn't been pretty.  
"Tracy" Theo called again, putting a hand on her shoulder and calmly pulling her to him "C'mon, let's go to bed"

She leaned in his touch with a familiarity that was unsettling. Theo was sure she mistook him for someone else. Somebody she trusted. "You're ok, you're fine" He whispered in her hair, exhausted. It was too late for him to be babysitting a girl who was probably older than him.

Tracy didn't answer.

"C'mon, let's go upstairs, Tracy…" Theo mumbled, when they got to the stairs steps. She didn't move, her breath slow and even. At least there would be no fighting tonight. "Tracy _move,_ we're almost at your room"

Again, _nothing_. Theo let out a sigh and whispered to the asleep girl "Don't tell anyone" before picking her up gently, ready to drop her at any moment he felt she was going to on clawing his face out.

Instead, she only got a little stiff before relaxing and curling up closer to him. Theo rolled his eyes, knocking with his knee against the girl's door.

Hayden opened it with a puzzled expression before opening a mischievous grin and pulling Tracy's blankets away for him to lay her in the bed.

"Don't" Theo warned her, putting down the girl he was carrying.

Hayden raised her hands "I didn't say anything, Theo" she smiled, staring expectantly at him.

"Then keep on not saying anything and go back to sleep" He ordered, turning to the door "And if she sleepwalks again tonight, open the front door and let her go, because I'm not waking up"

"There should be an award for worst person in the world, Theo" Hayden sighed, getting into bed "You'd win every year"

"I try my best" He smiled, getting out of the room and starting to close the door.

Theo pretended he didn't hear Hayden whispering "But if you keep acting like you care, you might fool us"

* * *

There was blood underneath his nails and dirt in his hair. His pants were more mud than denim and his shirt had been reduced to shreds. Theo Raeken was destroyed. Weirdly, his mood was lighter than it had been in months.

The fight had been that night. Well, not _the_ fight, because the Beast was still somewhere and there was still one of the Dread Doctors alive, Corey had told him.  
But _the_ fight with Desert Wolf had also happened that night, and Malia had won.

He couldn't remember much. Sweat, claws and his blood singing in his ears in a chanting of " _you don't care, you don't care for her, you don't"._ But he did care and when Malia had fell to Desert Wolf's feet, covered in blood and with her heartbeat almost vanishing, a piece of his mind simply disappeared.

Theo remembered the feeling of Desert Wolf's throat underneath his nails, more blood, and then he was falling, everything was going dark and Malia was saying "You don't get to die when we won, Theo. You don't get to die on me, get up!"

Corey had yelled at the phone, asking "Why you didn't join us in the fight against the Dread Doctors? Where were you?! Where _are_ you?! You let us do all the job, you let us risk our lives and _you weren't there_!"

He wasn't wrong, but Theo would deal with that in the following evening, after his bones healed together, after his mouth stopped tasting like blood and _her_. After he fully understood they had won only one battle, not the war.

"Theo"

The voice startled him and Theo jumped, only for a bone to sink in an organ or something equally as painful and make him wince and gasp "What the hell are you doing in the dark, Tracy?" he groaned, trying to turn on the lights.

"Kira toasted the city lights." Tracy told him, and he heard a chair moving, steps coming closer. Hell, he was too tired to even see her in the dark, black spots dancing in his vision. "You're smelling like blood and death"

"I'm fine…" Theo lied, taking a step back, afraid she would yell at him like Corey or Hayden would. Afraid she was sleepwalking again and would attack him. A kanima attack would surely kill him now.

"Even your heartbeat is uneven, Theo" there was light concern in her voice and then he felt a hand on his arm "Sit down, before you bleed to death" Tracy pulled him to the chair she had vacant and then he felt her fingers in his scalp.

"What are you doing?" Theo asked, suddenly exhausted enough to sleep until the next century. "It's almost sunrise, what are you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep after the fight" she answered, groaning when her fingers hit a sticky pool of blood in his head. "Did someone shoot you in the head, Theo?"

It was a joke, but not far from the truth. Desert Wolf had tried to blow up his head and he had felt the pain, but since he was breathing and the bullet had left a hole in the car behind him… She must have missed. "Something like that"

"You should have seen Josh and Kira fighting" Tracy told him, her voice dropping to a tone he knew was purposely calming. The same voice you use when telling a bedtime story. "They _fried_ the taller Doctor"

"Surgeon…" Theo mumbled, blinking against the darkness threatening to swallow him "That's impressive"

"I couldn't…" she pulled away and sighed "Can you not die for five seconds? I'll try to find our first aid kit"

"I can try"

He sagged to the side, hitting the table softly and closed his eyes. Maybe he could take a nap there. Tracy would take more than five seconds to find the never-used thing in the darkness…

"Theo" a male voice woke him up, hands not as gentle as Tracy's shaking him "Theo, wake up _please_ "

"I think we should take him to Deaton" it was a girl talking and he couldn't decide it was Tracy or Hayden.

"No" Theo grumbled, trying to open his eyes. His head felt full of cotton, his body ached so much he couldn't try and move his toes "No Deaton". He had had enough of doctors to his entire life.

"Then _wake up_ , stupid" oh, it had to be Hayden. Another ruthless shake and he opened his eyes.

When did the night turn into day? And how did he end up in the couch? Oh, Josh would kill him for getting it covered in blood…

"What…"

"You passed out in the kitchen" Tracy answered simply, and she was sitting on the coffee table with a bucket next to her feet, full of bloody rags.

Hayden was on the top of the couch arm, close to his head. Josh, sitting at his feet, had been the one shaking him restlessly.

"Where's Corey?" the first thing that occurred him was that his beta had died. Died in a battle Theo hadn't even showed up for. But then he remembered Corey yelling at him on the phone and the cold in his stomach calmed.

"He's still angry at you" Hayden rolled her eyes and _of course_ she was also angry at him. But she smelled like worry, so Theo counted that as a win. "He's at the Animal Clinic"

"Did someone get hurt?" He didn't _really_ care. His entire pack was safe and the only person he cared about of the McCall pack was Malia, and she had been much more than fine. However, his pack cared about the others and he was trying _really hard_ to be nice for them.

"Liam" Josh answered, and Theo heard Hayden's heartbeat skip before she willed it to calm down. "It's not serious or anything, just painful"

Theo wanted to ask how Liam got injured but Hayden was still sitting by his side, smelling like concern for _his_ well being, when her high-school sweetheart was away and in pain. He decided to have a little compassion and drop the subject. From his peripheral vision he saw as her shoulders dropped in a more relaxed position. _Ha, points for Alpha Raeken._

"Do you wanna explain how you ended up…" Tracy looked him up and down, trying to find the right word to describe his status "Why did you almost die at our kitchen, Theo?"

"And why you didn't show up for the fight?"

He started to tell them. A wrinkle appearing between Tracy's eyebrows and after some minutes Theo was pretty sure it would turn permanent. Josh turned ash gray, but then smiled "So, no more _training_ until sunrise with Malia?"

"You asshole" Hayden hit him lightly on the head "If you had died we would be omegas and then we would die" her badly masked concern was lovely.

"A few cuts weren't going to kill me, Hayden" he replied, rolling his eyes. Tracy snorted.

"The amount of blood you lost would kill anyone. How did Malia even let you drive home?"

"She was in a bad shape too" Theo mumbled. He knew she healed better than him, so if he wasn't dead, she wasn't either.

"How did you even get home without crashing the car?" Josh complained, annoyed by his alpha's luck, and then he sagged pathetically on the couch. Theo smirked and kicked his tight lightly, noticing the absence of his own clothes only then.

They must have taken it off, to evaluate how badly his cuts and broken bones were.

From her spot, Tracy glared at him and stood up. There was a big scar in her arm, mostly healed and Theo sighed. He would have to listen all about their fight against the Doctors.  
However, it would have to wait. He was exhausted.

"Rest" Tracy told him. Hayden settled better on the couch arm and her hand fell to his hair; a very predicted and nonchalant move, daring him to mention it. Theo didn't. Instead, he obeyed Tracy's soft order, feeling Hayden play with his hair and Josh's warmth at his feet.

They could handle themselves.

 _He trusted them._

* * *

 **N/A: Work made for day 7 of Chimera Week: Free Choice. I hope everybody enjoyed a little of my new obsession.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Of all the things you choose in life, you don't get to choose what your nightmares are.**

 **You don't pick them; they pick you.  
\- **_**John Irving**_

* * *

Waking up was like being slapped by reality.

There was a boy who she had never met before, saying "You're mine" and something ugly and dead inside her chest answered _"Yes, I am"_.

Theo wasn't talkative. He was bossy and smelt like anger, but he didn't babble like a nervous kid and before she knew it, she looked up to him. The others – Josh who was always smelling like earn and desperation, Corey who rarely talked and never smelt like anything and Hayden, full of anger and worry – sat on Theo's living room while he barked orders and told them how things would be.

"I wanna see my sister" was the first thing Hayden said, after Theo explained they had been dead. He didn't need to tell Tracy about her death, her mouth still tasted like mercury and her neck hurt.

"You will"

Hayden didn't trust him. She squeezed her eyes at him and scoffed "Valerie must be going out of her mind, I want to see her now"

"You're covered in dirty and mercury, Hayden, maybe even blood" Theo rolled his eyes and Tracy bit down an amused smile. She felt something warm bubbling in her stomach, the security of being guided and not having to decide, not have to think when everything was so overwhelming. "All you'll do is scare her"

With a still unsure nod, Hayden settled down on the couch and stared at her hands "Where's Liam?"

"Did you hear from my parents?" Josh interrupted, ignoring the glare the younger girl threw him.

"Your parents think you're missing, Josh. They didn't get to see your body and the police didn't know about your death"

"Thanks god" Josh whispered and Tracy _hated_ him. She remembered her father and the bright blue eyes of a werecoyote. Tracy remembered waking up with a girl who reeked of relief and panic on top of her and remembered the sinking realization that her father was dead.

Theo tilted his head to look at her, light inspecting eyes that made Tracy want to run or sink on the floor crying. He could sense her emotional state and Theo opened a small smile.

"I'm ordering pizza, I'm starving"

It was a nonchalant phrase to dismantle the heavy energy on the room. Didn't work much, but Hayden went to the bathroom wash her face and hands, Josh followed Theo to the kitchen like a lost puppy seeking guidance.

Corey was still sitting on the couch, staring at his feet and he smiled when noticed she was watching him.

"Don't you have family?" the question was hard and insensible, but Corey only shrugged.

"I'll think about them tomorrow"

Tracy smiled then, the first genuine one since she was alive "I like you"

They were all too destroyed to fight over who got to shower first. Somehow, everybody agreed that Hayden should have it last. Maybe it would stop her from trying to run away that night.

Mr. and Mrs. Raeken were scared things made of shaky hands and cringes of panic. Theo handed Tracy a small bundle of clothes from his mother, let out a small smirk and put a string of hair behind her ear. It was the only attempt of comfort she had seen him show all night.

"I'll take care of you. Trust me"

"I do" and it was so absurdly true that Tracy felt small and scared. She looked herself on the bathroom, watching as dirty and mercury went down the drain.

No amount of soap could ever wash the blood underneath her nails or the taste of metal in her mouth.

* * *

"Sleep" Theo barked, because apparently now they were all children who could be ordered around "Tomorrow will be a big day"

Tracy stared the ceiling during hours. She heard Corey whimper in his sleep, heard Josh snoring loudly, both sleeping on the living room. At her side on the guest room, sleeping on a mattress carefully put on the floor, Hayden was crying. Tracy heard Theo pacing around like a guard and wondered if he was awake to stop someone from coming in or them from running away.

Hours later Hayden stopped sobbing and started snoring lightly. Hours later Theo stopped walking, opened the bedroom door to check on them and then frowned. "Aren't you going to sleep?" he whispered, eyes stopping on the younger girl curled up on blankets.

"I don't want to"

He stared at Tracy, shrugged and nodded slightly so she would follow him. Tracy tiptoed to the front of the house and sat by his side on the cold almost morning, shivering.

"What happens to us now?"

Theo stared at the sky and then smiled "We're a pack now"

"What _is_ a pack? I mean, a human pack?" he talked like she should know all of this and Tracy felt offended and frustrate. She wanted to know everything, she wanted to have a small amount of control over her messed up life.

"None of us a really human, are we?" Theo smirked "A chimera pack is just like a wolf pack. It's deeper than family"

"Hayden and Josh don't seem to think like that"

"They will come around" there was a blue shine in his eyes, like a light in the middle of darkness and Tracy wanted to lean on his shoulder and pray he could be the savior she imagined him to be.

"You don't need to be afraid, Tracy" he put a hand over hers and squeezed it slightly "You'll be fine. Go to sleep and stop worrying"

It was a dismissal and she nodded her head, obeying without thinking.

Hours later, Tracy woke up with Theo and Josh on the ground, Hayden staring at her in panic and Corey's arms around her shoulder.

 _Maybe this is family_. It terrified her, she wanted her dad, and she wanted to go home.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want me to do it?"

The thought of Theo going through her underwear and picking her clothes made Tracy snort. She imagined him holding a pink skirt and rolled her eyes.

"I can do it"

Josh had been missing and his parents sobbed when he went back home; Corey had barely been dead for a day and his parents could sue the hospital for false obit; Hayden's sister started yelling and crying, but she had hugged Hayden like the girl was a baby and pushed her inside the house.

Tracy's family was dead, there was no one to worry about her; no one to gain profit out of her death and no one to yell and hug her.

Only Theo, who was now offering to break into her old house and get all of her clothes.

"Alright. I'll give you some time alone."

All the time in the world still wouldn't be enough to prepare her. Her room had a police tape all over the door, but she walked past it and sighed when saw the walls covered in drawings of her nightmares.

Those nightmares didn't plague her anymore. Mostly because they hadn't been dreams, and now she knew it. Now, her father's eyes had replaced the Doctors' and every time she went to sleep she could still hear the echo of " _Hi, daddy"_.

Tracy filled her old school backpack with clothes, purposely leaving behind the silly shirt with a picture of _Queen_ and all of her more immature clothing.

Theo was sitting on the couch like it wasn't illegal to invade a crime scene. "Did you get everything?"

How much did she truly need to fill up that hole in her chest? The clothes, the scent of home or the warm arms of her father around her… Would she be forever empty?

"Yes"

He stood up and looked around "Do you want to take something home?"

 _Oh._

It was lovely. The word "home" in Theo's lips gained a new meaning. It was a nest, a place to lay her head, a place to hide when fear was too much. Tracy wanted to teach him what a real "home" was. Teach him about late nights talking, and board games, and silly habits of domesticity.

"I don't want anything"

They went _home_ in silence. The place was desert, Theo had kicked his parents out without thinking twice and she still didn't believe they were his real parents. Corey had gone back to his house. Josh and Hayden too.

"I thought a pack was different" Tracy whispered, sitting on the couch. Theo sat by her side and took her hands into his.

"I did too"

They didn't talk more than they needed. Theo would let her pick the food, she would organize the guest room that was now entirely hers. Some nights she would wake up with him tucking her on bed and the words "Don't tell anyone" in her ears. Some nights he would yell and break apart half of the house.

To watch Theo Raeken, study him was an habit she had developed, an addiction.

It wasn't enough to stop the nightmares. It wasn't enough to stop her from waking up screaming.

* * *

"I'm moving in" the phrase is so dumb that Tracy laughed.

Corey was standing on the porch with a big bag of clothing and he had a challenging glare on those green eyes.

"You can get my old room" Theo simply shrugged, stepping aside to let the boy enter.

Having someone who felt as detached from the world as she did was good. Corey didn't have nightmares, but he didn't sleep much either. Instead he would sit with her almost the entire night and watch television.

On some rare nights, Theo would flop sit by her side and complain about _"Keeping Up with the Kardashians"_ until one of them either laughed or changed channel.

There was no reason to smile or talk so none of them did.

"Where is Theo?" Corey whispered, leaning in to make his voice even quieter. Tracy rolled her eyes. Theo was out, there was no reason to fear his annoyance.

"Out with Josh"

"Why are they away so many nights? How did Theo even manage to get Josh talking with him?"

"Josh used to do drugs" Tracy gossiped, aware that it was an habit of an old life and _loving it_ "I think Theo is trying to keep him clean"

"I doubt" Corey smirked and rolled his eyes "Theo would like to keeps us drugged and sedated, don't you think? Less complaining, more obeying"

She never really complained, but Tracy had seen Corey, Josh and Hayden fight Theo enough to know the rest of them did "I guess he would… You think Theo is _drugging_ Josh?" it sounded absurd. Her alpha was furious and ruthless but he wasn't dumb enough to do such a thing.

"I don't know" Corey leaned in more "Can we even do drugs?"

"I don't know"

"Let's find out"

They end up locked on Corey's room, with the stash of weed he had brought but never smoked. She dragged it in, feeling the sweet smoke in her mouth and throat and nose.

Corey laughed of her coughing and took a blow like a pro.

"You used to this a lot?" Tracy asked, after half an hour of nothing. She had almost thought the weed was taking effect, but in reality her legs had fallen asleep from staying on the same position for so long.

"It's better now" Corey smiled back at her "I feel less… Nothing is as _intense_ as it was before. I don't feel as sad, or as insecure or…"

"As happy?"

His smile dropped and he shrugged "It's the price you pay, I guess"

"What about that kid you like? Mason?"

"What about him?"

"Is it better now too?"

"Yes…" and then he blew the smoke as ring, falling back on the rug and sighing "No, I guess no."

"Why not?" the _'in-love'_ feeling was out of her reality. Aside from a few crushes in the past – in her old life, in the dream that was vanishing from her memory – Tracy couldn't imagine what love was. Maybe it was what she felt for Theo. The knowledge that she would take a bullet for him any day. Or _maybe_ it was the easiness around Corey.

"It's easier to talk to him. I don't feel… I don't feel as out of place like I did before" He smiled when Tracy mimicked him and laid down on the rug too "But it's also worse. I want to feel the happiness, the desire and the love just as hard as I did before… With Lucas. But I can't."

'Yeah… but you still like him"

"I do"

The silence fell on the room, except from the noises of them passing the ineffective joint to each other.

"Do you feel empty?"

"Almost always"

"When you don't feel empty?" she could hear the hunger in her own voice.

"I don't feel as empty around Mason. The void is still there, but not as big"

* * *

The conversation with Corey struck in her memory. Maybe love was the key to feeling whole again.  
But there was no one to love and no drugs were effective to give her the same high.

Josh dropped by one day and explained Theo had taught him how to feel _something_. "It's pain" he had said, sitting on the roof with her and gazing at the stars. Hayden and Theo were yelling inside the house and it was almost common by now.

"Pain?"

"Yes. The trigger for feeling again, it's pain." He shrugged "Maybe it has something to do with our healing factor?"

"Like a wound in our minds?" it was poetical to be so broken that her body saw it like a literal injury.

"Yeah, I guess. He electrocuted me when I was trying to get a hype"

"He _electrocuted_ you?" even for Theo it sounded pretty insane and cruel.

"I absorb energy, chill" Josh laughed, nudging her shoulder "But it still hurt."

"How does it help at all?"

"After… After the shock of the pain passed… I could feel everything. _Happiness_ , anger, lust, sadness… I was missing even feeling sad"

She had never related to anything like that and after Theo yelled and growled, kicking Josh and Hayden out, Tracy locked herself on the bathroom and waited until she could hear Corey sleeping and Raeken leaving.

Cutting herself would have been easier with a blade, but she was terrified of it, so instead Tracy used her nails.

The first three cuts were symmetrical and careful, but after the forth one and still feeling nothing, desperation sank in and she scratched her arm until there was blood all over the white floor.

And there was still nothing. Could she be just so broken that nothing would ever work? Corey's trigger was love, Josh's was pain and hers… Hers didn't exist.

She was fated to kicking and screaming and feeling numb.

* * *

"You're smelling like blood" Theo commented, when she came down for breakfast. Corey had spent the night out with Mason and they both knew it, but nobody mentioned it. Tracy didn't want to expose one of her only friends and Theo didn't want to talk about how possessive he really was.

Somehow, they accepted it as ordinary and moved on.

"I'm on my period"

Theo rolled his eyes and glared at her "Dried blood and… old"

"I have no idea of what you're talking about" but there were still healing cuts on her arms, so deep that Tracy was lucky she could even move her left hand.

" _Show me_ " Theo leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms " _Tracy, show me what you did"_

He wasn't asking, he was ordering, and Tracy felt all of her nerves submit immediately. A part of her mind was yelling and yet she rolled up her left sleeve.

Theo looked at her unimpressed, smelling like disgust and mostly annoyance "You too"

"We're all broken here, Theo" she pulled her sleeve down "We deal how we can"

"Did it help?"

"Don't you have to go to school and pretend you're a normal person?"

"Did it help? _Answer me_ "

And the words spilled from her mouth without consent "No, it hurt and was useless. I'm still broken"

He sighed, stood up and put a hand on her shoulder "You should have told me"

"You're not my father or my friend. You're my alpha, my owner. I'm not supposed to cry on your shoulder, Theo"

The harsh words made him flinch, but his hand on her shoulder squeezed harder "C'mon, we gotta go"

It's not an order, but her feet obey and her mind goes. Maybe he can help. _Please_ , maybe he can help.

"Your triggers are different" Theo explained, hand grabbing her and leading the way "When was the last time you felt something?"

"When I killed the man on the hospital"

"You're trigger is pain"

"Not it isn't" Tracy shook her head "My arm is enough proof"

"Your trigger is pain. But not yours" Theo smiled and they entered his bedroom, the one he had taken from his 'parents'. "C'mon, punch me"

"No"

"I'm not angry, just do it"

"No" Tracy frowned, tried to pull away. He was her alpha, her superior. The animal trapped under her skin knew it was wrong.

" _Hit me_ " now he was ordering and her fist met his face before Tracy could fully understand it.

"Why can't I control myself?!" Fury was the first emotion to come back and she didn't even notice it.

Theo smile, spat blood on the floor "It's the Kanima part" when her eyes got huge and she grabbed him by the shirt, pushing Theo against the door, he laughed "Don't worry, Tracy. I didn't force you into doing anything you didn't want to do already"

"Did you force me to kill the man on the hospital? Did you… Did you order it without me noticing?" she punches his stomach and Theo leans forward, trying to catch his breath.

" _No_ " he groans "I told you I'd do it. I didn't order you shit"

"What did you force me to do?"

" _Nothing"_ He smiled, twisting her arm, only for Tracy to get on his back and kick him to the floor. She knew he was letting her beat him up and sadness took anger's place.

"You're telling me I'm a murderer because I want to?"

"There's nothing wrong with a little blood on our hands" Theo pushed her to the floor, tried to get on top of her, only for Tracy to grab his head and punch it against the bed frame.

It's pleasure now and she felt dizzy, the will to fight going away slowly. She was high on how much things were going on inside of her. Theo fell sit, puts his nose back on place and tried to clean the blood from his face.

"Can you feel it?" his eyes were dark and she blinked, his face almost blurred by how much her mind was swirling.

"Yes" she was breathless "I can feel _everything_ "

Theo smiled, leaned back against the bed frame "Cause pain once in a while, little things, and you should be fine"

And now that all those emotions were washing over her, Tracy focused him and understood. What she felt for Theo wasn't love, was gratitude.

" _Thank you_ "


End file.
